Like all things 2014 must come to an end. It was a year of massive highs, lows, and a lot of mediocrity. I have faced success, failure, rejection, heartache, joy, compassion, and a million other experiences. I have made drastic declarations, dedicated myself to becoming better, and pushing past any barriers that I have faced. 2014 in retrospect was a pretty good year with some quality lessons that I wouldn’t have had had I not taken a chance on certain things and followed through with others.
I started off 2014 with a bang and a big success for myself. In 2010 I had set out to accomplish a big goal, to get my ass back in college and graduate with a degree. I did what came natural to me, dove in headfirst and chased after what I wanted, however, this time it had to be different, I needed to follow through even when it got boring. While school in of itself had many highs and lows I knew that I had to just keep moving forward to get that degree. In the winter of 2013 I had done just that, I finished my last semester but it wasn’t until January 2014 that I would find out for sure whether or not I officially graduated (there was a lot of course and major adjustments in curriculum which made graduation up in the air). January 2014 rolled around and sure enough I got my degree and was officially a college graduate. It was only an associates degree but in my career field experience goes further than any sort of schooling. I finally had managed to follow through, this was a big victory for me emotionally, mentally, and gave me a bunch of confidence moving forward into the new year.
The beginning of 2014 had got off to a great start and I was moving in the right direction but it was quickly followed by numerous moments of rejection, failure, and feeling less than confident about my future. Up to this point I had been applying for jobs slowly but steadily but after I got my degree I went on an explosive and ambitious journey to finding a new career applying to any position or company that I found mildly interesting. I had some great leads and things were looking to be going exactly how they should’ve been. Then one after another all the neat stacked dominos began falling, the perfect little bubble I was living in began to dissolve. For three months solid I had been interviewing, each one was going great, everyone loved me, everyone was excited to give me offers, and I was getting super excited for the upcoming change in my life. In the final hour of me being able to quit my unfulfilling job for something better I was presented with soul crushing rejection. One after another; rejection, rejection, rejection. My most hated phrase of 2014 “Sorry but we decided to go in another direction” bullshit! That’s just some fucking shitty cop out to cover your ass from what you really mean, this shit really riles me up. Because of a few shitty, adolescent, addiction fueled mistakes 7 years ago I was being rejected. I wasn’t being rejected for my qualifications, experience, personality, fit in the company, or education, I was being rejected because of mistakes I made nearly a decade ago out of desperation and pain. Yes they were my mistakes and I’ve taken full responsibility of them but when push comes to shove everyone likes to say that they are willing to give people a second chance but my experience tells me otherwise, very few are willing. I’m not going to lie, it hurt a lot. It got in my head and the old negative thoughts were all flooding back; “you’re a fuck up”, “you’ll never amount to anything”, “nobody wants you, nobody likes you”, “you’ll always be a failure”. A million negative thoughts were running through my head but then I made a conscious decision, give myself a year, not force anything and let things take their natural course. One year, it was one of my better decisions I have made in my life. I snapped back out of the negative thinking and started to get back on track focusing on how I can improve my situation and started planning moves to make.
Back on track, with the right mindset and good things started happening. If nothing else there was some excitement just around the corner in the form of a vacation in beautiful and sunny Florida. We can skip right ahead to May because nothing really happened between March and May that was of any importance, just a lot of mediocrity. Mediocre relationships, job, and life simply put not much to mention. But Florida, Florida would reignite and rejuvenate my soul. Not because anything crazy new was happening but I was getting a change of scenery, pace, and I could live a different life for a short period of time. It was, for the most part, an excellent experience. Besides the first day we were there and the torrential down pours it was otherwise sunny and beautiful. I got to relax and experience the life that I had been dreaming about; the beautiful house w/a pool, beautiful weather, good car, girlfriend, gated community, and most importantly I wasn’t in Wisconsin anymore. I got a taste of that lifestyle and I enjoyed it very much. I journeyed back to Miami and Ft. Lauderdale, somewhere I hadn’t been since I was a kid and like most things from when you were a kid compared to now, it didn’t live up to my expectations. This could’ve been due to the weather, the company, my lack of drinking or partying (which is really why most people go to South Beach whereas I go for the cars and architecture) but it just wasn’t as great as I hoped but still a worthwhile experience. The other great part of this trip is that I got to bust out my camera and take some cool photos, get back in touch with my creative side a bit, and experience life through the viewfinder. Botanical gardens, beaches, and a pretty lady, overall it was a great time to shoot and became a very therapeutic moment in time. Florida gave me the boost to get my ass back in gear, in shape, and prioritize how I was going to spend that year I gave myself.
June was steady, not very exciting, nothing compared to the memories of Florida but then July rolled around. Cresting on a high there was bound to be the crash and it sure came. The crash came in the form of a breakup. The relationship reached its natural end, we both knew it, it just wasn’t there anymore and the initial agreement that it was over was relatively painless. However, like any good drug the withdrawal symptoms were wicked days later. Having someone in your life for nearly 3 years and then being gone is a shock to the system. I wasn’t sure how to cope, I wasn’t trained or prepared for it, sobriety didn’t give me the tools to deal with the absence. Like any good addict, I dove into something that would consume me and distract me from the pain. I had to do it with tact and consideration that drugs and alcohol weren’t an option to mask the pain or fill the void. In order for me to keep moving forward in life and learn from this experience, I knew I had to take this challenge as an opportunity to develop into a better person. I dove into my creative side; photography, reading, and writing. I focused on changing the shit that had been falling apart in my life.
Having conscious and presence of mind, I took the void I had inside me and filled it up with stuff that would benefit me not only in the short term but more importantly in the long run. Finding opportunity in strife is what opened my mind and gave me clarity to the path I needed and wanted to take. I started to listen to creative podcasts which lead me to interesting people which lead me to interesting books which blossomed into a creative maelstrom. My mindfulness to take advantage of a shitty situation and turn it into amazing opportunity has lead me to some amazing breakthroughs; mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. The void was filling up with personal development and I worked hard to make moves in the right direction.
Chicago came quickly at the beginning of the Fall. A random spur of the moment retreat was the final nail in the coffin of the old me. For the third time in my life I shed my skin and started down a path of reinvention and growth. While on that trip I read a book that would inspire and change my life, The Art of Non-Comformity. I would also spend that weekend roaming the streets snapping photos and capturing moments in time. To put the icing on the cake, the feeling that I was experiencing when I was back in Chicago was transcendent. I came back from that weekend feeling completely different. I had a new purpose, ambition, and clarity. There really isn’t anyway that I can explain just important and influential the impact that the weekend had on my psyche. Transformative is the only way that I can describe that would even come close.
Fall went, Winter slowly took root and things slowed down. Working on side projects, consuming as much knowledge as I possible could, and continually pushing forward. I would go back again to Chicago in the winter for the Christmas season. This trip less transformative but filled with plenty of valuable lessons. I spent most of the time just being in the moment and accepting anything the weather and the city through at me. The trip in itself just reaffirmed what I was grinding and hustling towards and where I felt I needed to be. Finishing off the year on a high was the best way to do it.
2014 was filled with highs, lows, and plenty of mediocrity. With a vow of creativity and never settling for anything less than extraordinary I paved the way for a highly successful 2015. 2014 was the rebirth of who I am and where I am going and like every new evolution there will always be growing pains that come from it and often times vaulted into reality by struggles, heartache, and failure. It was overall an amazing year. The challenges, opportunities, and experiences that I faced were all worth it in the end and I very much look forward to a new, exciting, creative, and extraordinary year.